December is only 26 hours away. My grandpa is currently in the hospital. Ridiculous.

I got a call from Mom tonight saying that Grandpa had fallen in a public street near his house and someone found him and called 911. He's stable right now, but the doctors are running all sorts of tests to see what's wrong. I just hope he gets better; I can't imagine losing him now since I'm so far away and I couldn't come home... it'd be soooo awful :-/ Sigh... not going to think about that.

My interview with Teach for America is this coming Monday. I'm not nervous; I don't know if I should be. All of my law schools applications are in review by the admissions committees, which is somewhat scary. I don't know what my future holds right now. John and I drove around Columbia this past weekend while we were in New York, and while I liked the campus well enough, I don't know if I can really see myself spending so many more years away from home. Siiiigh. Why do I have to choose between being near my family or my boyfriend? I don't understand how people can so easily choose between those two - I'm so close to both. I can't imagine being told that I'm not going to live by my family anymore; I think that's a dealbreaker for me. John says we will live by them eventually, but I just don't understand why it has to be in a few years and not now.

It's funny... reading this journal all the way back shows just how much my life has changed in the past four years. My senior year of high school was so different from this year; I had no clue what I was really doing after graduation. All I knew was that Notre Dame was where I wanted to be. Now I'm almost done with my time here, but this time around I have no idea where I should go.

Okay... good things... I only have 17 days before Christmas break, which is fabulous. I can't wait to go home for a whole month. I would really love if John came to visit me for my birthday, since we've never spent my birthday together, but I doubt that'll happen since our football team will be playing a bowl game near that date. Oh well... I guess I have a birthday every year, and we don't play in a bowl game every year, right? Sigh. I hope I have a nice birthday. We'll see.

First off - what a weekend of surprises! Mary got engaged and Nicole broke up. It's like I'm right smack in the middle of a spectrum of relationship emotion. Pretty nuts.

Secondly - I'm done with four law school applications and one Teach for America application. And I still don't know what I'm going to do. A part of me desperately wants to end up in NYC, near John, but another part of me just wants to go home, get an apartment, and stick out the next year. I met John's AMP program partner this weekend; really nice guy, but I still hurt when I hear how they'll be doing this and that together next year.

My prayer as of late is that God would lead me to wherever He wants me to be. I need doors to be closed and others to be opened. I need to feel at peace when I look at certain options. I just need to know what the heck I'm supposed to do. Uncertainty has never been a friend of mine, and I don't plan on befriending it now.

So I'm going to see Columbia when we're in New York for Thanksgiving - no official visit, just a walk around the law school area and the neighborhood. I need to breathe the place, feel it, and discern. Of course, I'll have that decision made for me if I don't get in, but it never hurts to visit now.

Two more home football games here at Notre Dame. I have one semester left here. The time has flown ridiculously fast.