Being home = not so easy.

My aunt's divorce, though obviously not my own, has taken its toll on me. I'm exhausted with worry for her and her kids - I guess mainly because I was there at one point and feel as though I'm reliving it in a way. Money money money money... that's all that I think about... I'm constantly crunching numbers in my head about how they will make ends meet here and there... and their situation is completely different than my family's situation over ten years ago.

I have too much free time right now. I'm desperate to find some sort of part-time job to give me some spending money and a chance to get out of the house more often.

[phone call] later.

Reporting from good ol' Houston, Texas.

I want my own house.

I've been home for ten days and I'm so bored. I spend my time watching TV, eating toast with grape jelly, and feeling guilty when I'm not working on my LSAT stuff. I'm nervous about that test, by the way. I feel as if I should be more nervous, which makes me nervous because I'm not nervous enough. I think I'm going crazy.

Today has been a mixed bag. Good things - bought LIFEHOUSE tickets(!!!), financial aid came in and we're all set for senior year, advil actually helped my headache for once, I saw some cute puppies at the pet store. Bad things - my aunt and her impending divorce are driving me insane, my mom's driving me slightly crazy as well, and I was once again not invited to a party that my boyfriend and all of our mutual ND friends are invited to. That hurts my feelings so much, especially because this particular girl has been nicer to me as of late. I don't understand why she couldn't just invite me as a formality - she knows I wouldn't fly all the way across the country for her party, but still. Blah, it's definitely a step backwards on the road to friendship. I will never understand what I did to make her dislike me so much - sigh. And to top it off, John's actually thinking of going to the party, which annoys me to no end, considering that I was clearly not invited and I think he shouldn't go because of principle. Of course I haven't told him that I wish he wouldn't go, because I can't tell him that, can I? I just wish he'd not go under principle and tell her that. Am I crazy? Tell me :-/ Seriously though, what's going to happen when she and all of her little clique get married in the coming years? Will he get an invitation for him and "guest", even though we've been dating for years? The proper thing would be for me to get a separate one, since he and I won't be living together until after we're married, but the most I can probably hope for is my name on the inner envelope. Stupid people. I don't want to invite them to my wedding after the way they've treated me. I'm not some second-class citizen. Sigh.

Well that felt good. I miss my good ND friends, like Laura... I cannot WAIT til Mary and Amanda and others get home... this coming week should be nice, considering that Thomas will be visiting for the weekend and Mary will be back by Wednesday :) And there are graduations galore to attend, which will eat up my time.

Work doesn't start til June 13th, and I can't find a place that will hire me for just three weeks before that... arg. If you know of anywhere, even if it's just dumb filing, let me know.

Later all. :)

This'll be my last post from ND this year. The next post will be during my senior year (gasp!)

John leaves campus tomorrow morning, and I barely get to spend any time with him today because he has a ton of meetings. It makes me so sad :(

I stupidly began to read the card he gave me for Valentine's/2nd anniversary... and it made me cry a little bit - I can't wait til the summer doesn't mean separation anymore. I really want to be together year-round, not only 9 months out of the year. Bah.

I was thinking last night that perhaps I should do Teach for America when I graduate. What do you think?

Hmm... back home on Friday - cannot wait. I hate the transition bridge I'm on right now :-/