...and you will never be happier until you find that only way back home.
-Neve

I realized earlier this week, when I was bargaining for my dog's freedom with my mom, that I probably won't move home again. Not into the same house, with my mom and my dog and my room, nothing. Even if I happened to go back to Houston for school, I would probably get an apartment closer to school. I don't know why that scares me (doesn't seem to scare most people), but it does.

I also realized that the last time I spent Easter with my family, I was 18. Easter used to be a really big deal holiday for me; my family always gets together and there's a big party out in the country... I miss that. I miss the warm breezes blowing and swinging on the swings that are on the big oak trees there... going down to the little creek and skipping rocks with my little cousins. I guess I'll have to wait until I'm at least 23 until I get to do that again.

I booked my flight home a few days ago... I always dread doing that because I know that the long break is coming and I won't see John for three months and I hate that. Sometimes I get so sad thinking about that coming separation that I just wish that I could fly past the next few years and come out on the other side, law degree in hand and a ring on the other hand, which means that I don't have to be apart from him anymore. Crazy? Perhaps. I've never been known as being rational. I think a part of me never really expected to feel that way about anyone... in high school it was always easier to care about people who were far away all the time and would never get close enough to do any real damage. After all, if I wasn't used to having them around, why would I ever miss them? But this has been so different. How could I *not* miss someone who remembers the exact time that we sat on a couch and finally discussed the "official-ness" of our relationship? He even gave me a card at that exact time... we've been together for over two years now; it's hard to imagine life without him now. And I wouldn't want to imagine it that way.

I often tell my single friends that they should enjoy their singleness because they have so many choices that they can make without having to compromise or think about a significant other's future as well as their own. I think that's true for the most part, but mainly because I think there's a good in most situations that people find themselves in. Hmm.

I'm listening to the Goo Goo Dolls right now. I'd give almost anything to see them in concert again... I need to start looking for my "concert of the summer" tickets :) At least that'll give me something to look forward to in the coming months.

So break's gone... so sad, since it was so great. Oh well, on to the rest of the semester.

Funny how one relationship begins to fall apart and then another one starts to right itself. Why can't both of them be okay? Apparently God only wants me to have one at a time. Who knows anymore.

So I have come to the conclusion that friendships are very hard to re-establish once trust has been lost. From my end, I've lost all trust in someone that I used to have 100% confidence in. But I've always been one of those people who just can't get over a breach like that, and I think that the information I now know has forever damaged this friendship. Sigh. I guess sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

On a happier note - I'm going to a formal tonight - very exciting :) Annnd I've also caught up with some oldddd friends (like elem and jr. high), and I'm excited about seeing them over the summer.

Speaking of summer - I really wish the warm weather would get here. Today was the warmest day I've seen in South Bend since, like, October. I'm tired of wearing pants and sweaters... it's well past time to start wearing skirts and flipflops, at least, I think :)