Hmm yeah. So far thanks for nothing, Houston. I apparently don't know a single soul in this city who is of my age. I apparently have no friends from my so-called youth, my middle school, my high school, my neighborhood... anything. I realize that people are busy, I have been busy as well, but hell... I just don't get it sometimes.

So here I am, in the wee hours of the morning on the last day of July (thank you GOD), typing up something in here and trying to make myself feel better... trying to make myself believe that there isn't anything wrong with me. Sigh.

I hate telling anyone that I feel this way. My family doesn't understand how I could possibly be so upset over not having anyone my age to hang out with; my friends from college don't understand because they all have friends that they've grown up with and love hanging out with at home... so when they do call me, I'm not gonna tell them what a loser I am and how miserable I am here. My boyfriend is upset because he feels that he should do something to help me, but he can't do anything and it hurts him... and it hurts me because I've made him feel bad about something he shouldn't worry about.

So thanks Houston, thanks for caring. Thanks for showing me that I matter so frikin much to everyone here. Thanks for making my summer so much fun... maybe I'm just reaping what I've sown... but hell, you'd think things came with warning labels or something. Sigh.

Whatever. I honestly shouldn't care anymore. But that doesn't mean that I am not losing sleep over it. I obviously am. I just don't understand. I honestly don't. What's wrong with me? :(

Finally. Work is over and my "summer vacation" has commenced. And I get to go back to ND in 25 days. Thank God.

Not much is going on around here; I can't believe that almost a month has gone by since his visit to Houston. It almost doesn't seem real... but the good part in all of that was that I didn't get as depressed this time around. I'm not sure I can deal with another one of the separations that we had right as school let out for the summer. I hate being away from him. Sigh.

I've had some rather weird dreams lately. Hmm.

There's little to say. No one reads this but me, I'm assuming, and sometimes I wonder if my friends ever did come back from college... sure doesn't seem like it. Especially one who never actually left town. Sigh. Anyway.

25 days. That's all I have left to endure.

Too short is the time I spend with you.

His visit down to Houston came and went. We had such a great time and now we're both left with the reality of another 1.5 months between us... and it's harder now than the first time. Actually, to be honest, I had prepared myself for this blow - but he hadn't. He's calling now more than ever, telling me how much he misses me and how much he's in love with me... and it's all so wonderful and so heartwrenching at the same time. I wanna be with him now and always. That's just the plain truth.

Houston, you have disappointed me. I figured that this summer wouldn't turn out like the others; I would have fun and hang out with friends and party a bit like how I did this past year at ND... and NONE of that is even remotely true. Everyone's too far, certain people don't return my phone calls (let alone emails), and I'm working 8-5 Monday through Friday. I essentially have no life and it's eating me up inside. I'm getting more and more depressed. I need to go back to school.

But that's just it. That period of time during that couple of days before I go back will be awful... I feel so guilty about leaving my mom alone again like that. I hate it. I hate it so damn much. Because she misses me like hell when I'm gone... and I miss her, too, but the fact is that I love ND and everyone it brings me. So I'm torn and lost in all of those emotions. Siiiigh. Whatever. I still have 42 days here in Houston.

What to do. What to do.