This weekend was good to me. I'm finally starting to see that hope actually exists.

This past week has actually been quite interesting... he's been around sooo much lately, and this weekend kind of sealed the deal - we kissed for the first time on Friday night and that was a huge step. So now we're progressing... slowly but surely... into something substantial (hopefully.) I guess it's a game of wait and see, but I hope that my optimism isn't out of place.

I just can't believe how this has all happened. It's like, this past summer I had my future and everything planned out so well in my mind; and now tables have turned and I'm not feeling that anymore... I've accepted that the plan I once had isn't going to work - Thomas and I weren't going to work. So I threw it out the window and I've done my best not to look back.

And I'm so glad I did that. I didn't think I'd ever be at this point, but I am and I'm so glad to be here. I pray that all of my friends (particularly my very special girls from home) will all realize that this is possible and we'll all, in the end, be okay... it just takes time. Sometimes it takes more time than at others, but we'll get there. And we'll be happy.

I love y'all. I miss y'all.

Well, almost a month has gone by and things are better. Sort of. I still don't know exactly where things are leading me, but quite honestly, if I didn't care about it I would just let it go - but it means to much to me. So I stay on the rollercoaster, awaiting a reward for all of my troubles at the end.

Things haven't been easy for any of my friends lately either, which doesn't make me feel better, but at least we're dealing and we'll be okay. And soon we'll all be home again, trying to fit our new selves back into the old box... and for a while, it almost works... and then it'll be time to come back. Come back to the real world. What's going to happen?

all you wanted - i could be...-John Rzeznik