So I've been home for about a week and a half; Christmas came and went and now New Year's is about to pass on by as well. Have I see any of my home friends?

No.

It makes me so upset. So so so upset. The fact that they always say how much they want to see me, blah blah, but when it comes down to it they don't have the time or the courtesy to so much as call me. I have to call them. I have the make the plans. Sigh. I call and leave messages and they don't call back. I hate that. It's so fucking rude.

My birthday is on Saturday; one of my friends goes back to school on Sunday... but it doesn't matter. I won't see them for my birthday because that would require ME making the plans for it. Ugh. It all makes me miss school and my friends there so much. Because at least they seem to care.

I'm getting depressed again. I'm sure that'd make a certain someone very happy. Ugh. Ugh. I want to disappear.

Well, fall semester is officially over. I've been home for about two days now and I must say, I'm rather ambivalent to the whole thing.

Funny how Mary is homesick for school; as am I. I'm also heartsick, I'd guess you'd say. But that's a long story and I would rather not get into it here... ask me for details personally if you'd like. Sigh. I miss ND, I miss my friends up there, and I miss the life I have up there. It's sooo different from the one I have here. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

Houston friends, tell me, show me, etc. that you're alive... my gosh, this city has to have something fun to do. I miss y'all.

Siiiigh. Thanksgiving break came and went, and now I'm only a few hours away from scheduling my classes for next semester. I'm anxious about that and all the work I have to do... not to mention the fact that we're going to Chicago on Saturday and I seriously don't think I should be spending the time away from my work... I really should be doing stuff. UGH.

My heart is pulled in so many directions right now... I don't know what's going on anymore. I think I got myself up for nothing, maybe, sort of. Twice. And of course, my heart is still tender from what happened about a month ago (not even a month...gosh). This is my last real weekend before finals and Christmas break, and it makes me sad. Going home is such a chore sometimes it seems like... no one is ever around, no one wants to do anything at the same time, no one's ever home around the same time, and I realize just how few real friends I have in Houston. And it depresses me to no end... none of my friends back home party or anything the way I do here. Houston sucks the life out of me, I guess. Sigh.

Things are just so different now. So incredibly different. I wish I had a clue sometimes. Maybe then I wouldn't make the stupid mistakes that I make; I wouldn't get my heart stepped on; I wouldn't feel used... when will the pieces fit together? I just don't understand.