Wow. I'm finally at ND. It's really weird, especially knowing the fact that even if I went home today and never came back, I would have already been forever changed just by the weekend I've spent here so far. I love it, but I'm homesick and I know that it's going to take some time to get used to being here away from home. Yet it's already starting to feel as if I belong.

Classes start tomorrow, and I've made some cool friends in my dorm. I'm nervous and anxious and happy and excited and everything all at the same time.

Well, I need to get going. Later.

Everything minus a few choice things are packed and ready to go. Though my flight doesn't leave until seven am Friday morning, this might as well be my last day at home.

My room looks nothign like it used to. There are bags all over the floor. I still have a MILLION things to do before I leave, too. Sigh. It's never going to get done.

I've cried so much already. I'm not sure if I'm going to have any tears left for the actual goodbye with my mom and aunt Terri. But I'll have my support up there... my best friend who will be there, only steps away... she is the reason I'm not even more depressed. Thank Heaven for her. *tear*

Well, I'm off... I suppose I'll write more once I'm up there. Maybe tomorrow if I feel like it. later.

It was really nice to see a good majority of my friends all together in one place last night... for the last time. Gemma and I are trying to go and do something this week before I leave, considering that we didn't do anything at all this summer. Sigh. I'm a horrible friend. But there's only so much time left.

Nothing's really getting any better when it comes to these situations I'm dealing with right now. And it's only a select few people who actually care about them. I'm so tired of dealing with those who want me to be honest with them and all yet don't really understand/care about what I'm telling them. Sigh. Whatever. All I know is that when I get homesick in the coming weeks, Erin will be there. Steph will be there... there will be people I know. My roommate seems pretty nice, so I hope there aren't any problems there. Sigh.

So it's Sunday. I leave in about four days, give or take a few hours. At this time next week I'll be saying goodbye to my mom and my aunt Terri. And I won't be seeing them again til October. Sigh. Who would've thought that all of this would end up being so damn painful. And sad. And whatever. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

The countdown has now entered single digits. Wow.

My life has been completely chaotic lately, and it seems as if everyone who cares has noticed that I'm very down right now. And yet I don't want to be. It's just like that. Sigh. Nothing in my life seems quite right... and I don't know. I don't feel like talking about it much anymore.

I just realized that I'm probably not going to see any of my friends (outside of those who will be at Erin's) before I leave. I have too much going on already, and the fact is that I'm just so out of it right now that I don't think visits will help matters. Sigh. My heart has been broken by various people into tiny pieces and I am barely starting the process of locating the pieces and thinking of putting them back together. I swear, what I would give for normal-sized problems...

There's so much to do in such a small amount of time. I don't know how it's all supposed to be finished.

The good news I had last week has yet to be confirmed, and knowing my luck it won't be to my advantage. Nothing ever is. I think I've forgotten what it's like to be loved by someone else. Maybe it's better that way.

...love is surely better when it's gone...

When I come home, I'll be different. Everyone will be different. And maybe then I'll realize that I've been crying over nothing. Or maybe I'll realize that it's everything. Sigh. I don't care what others say; in comparison with the problems of any number of people, mine are still just as big and justifiably complicated. Bah.

Later.

Somewhat good news today. I'm feeling slightly happier than I have lately.

You know it could be so much better than it's been...

Two weeks from now I'll be moving into my dorm. I'm scared. I'm soo scared. But I'll survive somehow. God, please, I have waited so long to be happy... please.

I need to see all of my friends in the next week or so. It's a major thing I have to do. I can't leave Houston without saying goodbye, at least, I don't think I can.

Leaving Houston. Leaving Houston. Oh my gosh. I'm doing what no one in my family has ever done before... go reallly far away for college. I'm moving away. For four years. Oh my gosh.

Mary's right. I really ought to write in here more often, it's just...well... things are totally different and exactly the same all at once. And I'm not too sure where I am anymore.

Today was the Notre Dame sendoff, but it was mixed with the Houston alumni club reunion, so it was more geared toward them and not us... so it was kinda boring. I did get to see Erin, which was nice, but still... I don't know... things feel very very very weird now. I'm starting to feel clingy and scared because I'm going to miss my family so damn much. I don't know how well I'm going to handle all of this. I mean, I know I"ll get over it, but still...

I only hope the situation (and others) get better... I'm in need of good changes in my life. I'm so heartbroken a million times over by so many different things; I just don't know how much more i can take.

On the bright side, my class schedule came in and I have a great one, I think. I can sleep in til 10 if I want, every morning! :) I don't know how the classes will be in terms of difficulty, but I survived and excelled at DASH, I'm sure ND can't be too much harder.

Later y'all.