She's out there, he's out there... they're just learning what to contrast you against. - John Mayer

It's scary to think about how true that is. Every single one of us is doing just that. Seriously. Until you meet the person you marry, you've both been "testing out" other people and building a base of things to compare with. Of course, there are those who's bases are scarred because of past people, but that's life, I guess. Sigh. I wonder where my person is and what he's doing. How much longer... how much more time will go by before we come across each other? And that's only if he's a stranger to me right now... he might not be, but I don't know that yet. Lol hopefully it won't be the guy that is assigned to be my "Big Brother" at ND lol... that might be scary.

August is Thursday. I can't believe how quickly this summer has gone by. I only have another three weeks or so at home, being a normal high school grad... and soon my world will be flipped upside down and inside out. My secrets are coming out in droves... I don't know what has possessed me to do so. Sigh. Whatever.

Later.

My heart is being pulled in so many different directions
I can't possibly hold it all up much longer
Something needs to be said and something needs to be done
Because I'm sincerely hurting myself from the inside out
And loving someone that doesn't love me back
And having to hide it from nearly everyone
Is taking its heavy toll on me

I don't think I deserve this.

Nothing's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware
I'm in love and you don't care

And your eyes look so lonely, but it's only when you think about me

And I wanted to be all you need
Somehow here is gone

Live a big lie and they all believe
Now I just find that somehow obscene

But you can't find the answer where you are
And you know I need you now

And I wasn't all the things I tried to make believe I was

I can't pretend it's alright
Maybe we'll find a way somehow

You know all I am
Feel this moment in you

---
Thank you, Johnny Rzeznik, for all of your unknowing support... my life would never have been the same without your music. Thank you for speaking to me through your music... let's see if it can get me through another curve in this damn road.

I got my dorm welcome book this past week and it filled me with all sorts of confused emotions... I don't know what to think anymore.

I'm not happy. My personal life is killing me from the inside out.

stranger than your sympathy, this is my apology, for killin' myself from the inside out...

I got all of my dorm assignment figured out, and I'm pretty damn happy with it :) Pasquerilla East - go Pyros! lol and my roommate seems to be really sweet, so I hope this all works out... the last thing I want is an uncomfortable living situation. Hmm...

Every day goes by and not much has changed. I'm kind of just plain bored right now. And yet I'm not. Bah, I don't know. I think I'll sleep much better once I get my computer together for ND and get back into my work routine (which starts Monday, I guess, since I go back to work on Monday.) I actually slept pretty soundly last night; I fell asleep very quickly. Thank God. I needed that.

I really should be cleaning my room. Arg. I hate when it's messy, but I can't help it sometimes... sigh. I hope I'll be better about my mess in college... ha.

Later y'all.

Which Avril Lavigne Song Are You?

Thought that was cute. I really love the way this girl sings. She's amazing. Sigh. It's all I wanted to be - a singer - and now I feel that dream drifting away from me and trying to anchor me onto something more "normal". Bah. Whatever.

I'm going to call some friends whom I haven't seen since school let out. That's my mission for the week. Hmm.

Tomorrow's my 18.5 bday! :) In six months I'll be 19 and of legal drinking age in Canada... lol such a loser ;)

Well, today was boring, but the rest of the week/weekend should be pretty fun, so hopefully this is the last day of boredom for now. Later.